I recently dove into a little book called Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender, written by David R. Hawkins, which was highly recommended by Chelsea Handler. (Plot twist: I’m still reading it!) For some reason, I trust Handler’s seal of approval—she seems to be a no-nonsense gal who would only endorse what truly resonates with her.

Given that I have never delved into the self-help literature section at the local Barnes & Noble, I found this recommendation intriguing. The author, Hawkins, promises that by the end of the book, the reader will feel more confident and clear-headed. With the many distractions of the world today, aren’t we all thirsty for a clear mind?

Emotional Expression

One of the most profound sections I’ve read in the book, thus far, discusses expressing emotions. For instance, expressing your emotions to someone you feel has wronged you, or to someone you believe is simply wrong. We are so big on self-expression and having our voices heard today that we will engage in battles with family members, neighbors, or strangers on social media platforms asserting our opinions on various topics: political views, how one should raise a child, which famous person needs to pay penance for their wrongdoings, etc.

In my personal life—not on social media—when I felt a person misunderstood my good nature or wronged me, I thought I could reclaim some sort of control over my narrative by expressing myself to them. Sometimes fiercely. Yet, I soon realized that was um… not the case. Sometimes speaking your mind does not lead to real change, growth, or satisfaction, because let’s face it: not everyone gets you.

Expressing my feelings did not suddenly convince the other person how fab I was. As a consequence of “telling my truth,” the relief from the pain was temporary. “Yessiree Bob, I spoke my mind, and now I can take back my personal power… for the next fifteen minutes.”

Days after, I would feel trapped in my own mind, trying to sort out the who’s rights and the who’s wrongs in the situation. I would torture myself until the flames of my frustrations fizzled out. This could take weeks. This could take… months.

The book’s perspective on this struck me: expressing emotions isn’t merely about sharing them with someone else. According to Hawkins, while some feelings are released, most are being suppressed, because they were not properly neutralized.

Understanding Emotional Expression

In the book, Hawkins discusses how Freud’s interpretation of self-expression has been misunderstood throughout the years. What Freud was really saying when he talked about expressing oneself is that instead of telling others how we feel, we should express ourselves creatively through art. Rather than unloading our emotions onto someone else, we can explore our feelings by writing a story, painting a picture, performing a play, or maybe even creating a dance interpretation. This way, we can heal the roots of our emotions and not add to the cycle of blaming others.

I found this particularly resonant. After all people are creators, and I feel it is our purpose on this earth to create. To me, fights start when creativity is lacking.

As a technique for letting go of emotions and feelings of invalidation, Hawkins suggests a different approach: emotional neutralization. This is a technique of self-reflection that can transform our emotional responses and foster personal growth.

A Personal Reflection on Anxiety  

Reading this book reminded me of a time in 2020 when I grappled with anxiety. As a yoga teacher, I often guided others to focus on positivity, yet in the height of the pandemic, I found myself overwhelmed with worries about my daughter’s future. Bombarded with breaking news on an hourly basis and succumbing to the fact that this was not the candy-coated life I had planned for my daughter, I experienced a wave of emotions that my body knew I had to deal with.

Amazingly enough, Hawkins introduces an exercise in this book that mirrors a method I stumbled upon back then through quiet reflection and the desire to get to the source of my issues: a series of self-reflective questions to unpack feelings. Reading about this method felt like striking gold because it validated a technique that I thought I had come up with, just me and God.

“Hey big G, you’ve been validated. Oh, you already knew that? You are, after all, the supreme validator? Okay, yes, that’s true. My bad.”

Technique for Letting Go of Emotions

So here is the technique as I did it, but if you want Hawkins’s exact method, you have to read the book.

First, ask yourself what the emotion you are feeling about the subject that is bothering you. Then ask what is causing the emotion. Ask why this is causing that emotion. What does it mean? And if this means that, what does that mean? And if that means that, what does this mean, and why does it mean that? And if it does mean that, what does that mean, and why does it mean that?

Just keep asking those questions over and over until you journey all the way back to a memory or event that is the root cause of the emotions. Then yank the root out, look at it and realize that it is not really you; it is just a feeling that you have been holding on to. Things that happen are, yes, real and sometimes unfair, but the pain we attach to them will perpetuate until we allow ourselves to let them go.

This practice is challenging but essential for creating a solid emotional foundation.

The Importance of Self-Validation

Ultimately, the book emphasizes that we must learn to validate ourselves instead of seeking approval from others. It’s a message that resonates deeply with me, especially in a world where people are constantly being trained to be validated by other people.

To truly thrive, we need to reconnect with our authentic selves. This involves exploring our creativity, whether through art, writing, dance, or simply being present in our yoga practice. Each of these activities allows us to express ourselves and discover who we are beneath the layers of expectation and obligation.

A Call to Create

So here’s my takeaway: don’t shy away from expressing yourself, but do it through art. Whether it’s through a paintbrush, a dance in your living room, or journaling, creativity is a powerful outlet. Let go of the need to impress others and embrace your unique journey. You are more than your role in others’ lives; you are a creative being capable of transformation.

We are all interconnected, and this world needs more joy, light, and empathy. Practice neutralizing your feelings using the technique I shared, or grab your own copy of David R. Hawkins, Letting Go: The Pathway to Surrender.

Let’s keep creating, my friends! Express your unique individuality through art. Dive into that art project you have been thinking about, jump into that pottery class you keep passing by, dance freely, and let loose your true spirit. In doing so, we cultivate joy and fulfillment in our lives—one breath, one brushstroke, one heartfelt word at a time.